BeCka's Journal

AND SHE MAKES AN APPEARANCE!!!!!!
Message to the sillouette

when i see you face, i know that it's ok, no matter what i say.and when i see your eyes. in know that i'll stay true no matter where i go. Mesage to you from far away from deep inside my heart. a place where hope still prevails. a message to you from somewhere true where the only thing is you. dwelling deep in my heart.

when i see you face i'll know that everything's ok. i never wanted anything more. and wheni see your eyes i'll know that what i speaks the truth, i never wanted anything more.
___________________________________________________

awww, god damn. brings tears to mah eyes everytime. in case anyone cares, i am at my grandmothers house. im not only a loser who isnt out on a saturday nite, but im a loser who isnt out on a saturday nite because shes in fucking cumberland. i mean, cumberland, ok. even the name sounds lame... well, accualy, the name is kinda funny, in its own perverted-mind sort of way. its like, the sign should read ""WELCOME TO CUMBERLAND! POPULATION: TOO MANY (hey, how do you think we got the name?)"" or something. i dunno, its just an idea...

Current Mood: silly
Current Music: <3<3<3 shakira : underneath your cloths <3<3<3

i ammmm smellay
well, its been quite some time since ive updated the ol livejournel, and im sure no one is going to read this because they think i hvae dropped off the face of the earth and was never going to post again......well, just to prove you all wrong, those of you who jump to conclusions, I AM UPDATING! duh duh duuuh. yeeah. bye

the sea is a vagina. it can be penetrated at any point
need boo-tay. i got the strokes cd! yey! so happy. i smile. ahhhhh boy. i just realized i dont like posting in the livejournal. why do i do it then, you ask? welllll, i have no life. nothing better to do with my time. im super duper nervous for manana. my first day of school. *kodak moment* . oi vay. im peeing myself just thinking about it. need to get me some depends for tommarow. ((thanks 'oops i crapped my pants'!)) who wants to sex lil ol becka up? eh eh? do i have any takers??

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: last night *the strokes*

yup. its official, i got me some good expelledness. horray for being expelled. lifes a stinker. but hey, rosedale doesnt seem all that bad. i guess monday ill know. poor clyde. i know hell miss me stalking him, watching his every move. you know, i think hes secretly in love with me as well, he just dosnt want to admit it to himself. HA HA o god, this is turning into me being horribly obnoxious...de ja vou, joey. oi vay. i should stop while im ahead. i need me some ass. woo hoo, how bout that ass im not getting. you can take my breath away. I CAN BE YOUR HERO BABY.

Current Mood: naughty
Current Music: i cant figure out what mood i REALLY am. this one is amusing

ahhhhhhhh!!!! my whole torso is one big bruised pulled muscle! oi vay. woe is me. ep. pain i say, pain. i had never gotten into a fight befor in my life, until last nite. then me and my good ol buddy ol pals and i 'sparred' and i fighted mucho. so yeah...oww. then i pulled a groinial muscle because stupid angela played marlana being posessed and i screamed so she screamed, then we laughed. good times were had by all. or, us at least. mah daddy should come back from his camping expedition...im feeling house sick. MY BOOBS HURT. i need me a cable modemn, just so you all know. penis envy from your dad.

Current Mood: sore
Current Music: elenor rigby _GoDhEaD_

hold me closer tiny dancer
havn't posted anything in here for a while...im sure everyone missed it, my stupidity CONDOMS!!! and i dont know what to write now that im in here. yep... its kinda chilly out. damn lady fall for trying to impress mr.winters. goddamnit! hummph. i must say, burrr its cold in here, there must be some rei's in the atmosphere...by golly there is one!!! seeing as im in her house and all...ahem. anyways, yeup, me and rei, and her second person, ethel, are presnt with me, listening to some....................*cough* elton john................... i saw blow today. johnny depp rocks my block man. god damn, sex with him. he is the most gorgeous man alive in the world today. second, mr.brian warner, and thrid....more details to come. my birthday was monday so i am now officvaly 15, cuz im the shit and all. ok. im off to hump random objexcts because i NEED ASS so a desk will have to serfice for now.

Current Mood: hungry
Current Music: burping

radiate simply the candle is burning so low for me
here at alexs daddi's. joshie is here. waiting for ryan to get his skank ass over here so i an get my shop on. meabableep. thats how i can describe this nice meloncoly. who knows. not i thats for sure. so yes, i am going to go enjoy me night. horray! yes, horray.....

contigo me vida

Current Mood: melancholy
Current Music: baby's on fire

in space the stars are no nearer they just glitter, like a morge
i hate guys, i hate girls, i hate myself, i hate school, hate hate hate hate. BAH!! im one big ball of HATE! watch me fucking roll. meeeeop. poor sad becka. sad spinster fat becka. thats me. sad and fat. HA. what a great combination. i've noticed that if youra guy and you have long hair, YOU DONT LIKE ME! horraaaayyy!!!! seeing as those are the guys i go for. well, thats not totaly true. they BeGiN to like me then something inside them goes WARNING WARNING STEP AWAY FROM THE BECKA! I REPEAT STEP AWAY FROM THE BECKA. so then they stop liking me. its no good, because by that time i realy realy like them. geeez! i hate damn endorphins. fuck them endorphins! fuck them right up the ass!!!

*note to dummys* endorphines are the reason why you like people. its the rushing of neurochemicals from the brain into the blood stream making you desire people and making you think your in, what early humans thought to be, love.

SoMeOnE PaYs AtTeNtIoN In PsYcHoLoGy....thats right, me.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: mechanical animals soundtrack...m.m is a genious

-M.M-
Fundamentally Loathsome

I want to wake up in your white, white sun
I want to wake up in your world with no pain
But I'll just suffer in a hope to die someday
While you are numb all of the way

When you hate it you know you can feel but
When you love it you know it's not real
No
And I am resigned to this wicked fucking world
On its way to hell
The living are dead and
I hope to join them too
I know what to do and I do it well...

When you hate it you know you can feel but
When you love it you know it's not real
No

im so empty here without you, i crack my xerox hands
god. that was the saddest thing i have ever seen in my life..... i went to vist my nana in the hospital tonite. she had a reeeeaaaalllly bad stroke. my dad took me (even though its my moms grandma) and we attempted to talk to her. i couldnt even look at her. she was nothing like i remembered, she wasnt smiling (and ive never seen her without a smile on her face) and she didnt have her normal voice, she had lost a lot of weight and her hair was stringy, not like the normal poof of white curls. it just kinda layed on her head keeping it warm or something. she could only say yes or well, and then shed start to stutter, and forget what she was saying....o god, it was aweful. i couldnt look at her or listen to her. i had to keep looking away to keep from crying. she was just wasting away and this isnt how she would want to be. dear god........

whats the point of life?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: MaNsOn

i dont know what to say, you dont care anyway
WOO HOoOOO!!! i had a good weekend! it was about fuking time i must say. but yeah, it was good. flippity skippity. i macked it with toby twice. o la la. heh, yeah, and friday was one of the funnest nites in my life. deffinatly in the top 5 (becka, you can have one of my guys i have plenty, its because i speak 10 launguages...) i have seen towson from a tottaly differant perspective and enjoy it more now. did you know that if you keep dumpster bagels in your purse for 2 days they become incredible launching devises. them bagels can kill!!! *thud* my daddi wanted me to look at bushes with him today...WooOOooo bushes, now thats how i want to spend my afternoons. especialy in the coldness. so, yeah, i had fun 'shopping' and chilling. YO HA-HA bitch!!!! o yeah, friday i went to towsons homecoming and couldnt stop checking out thwe girls asses! i couldnt stop, it was aweful, i was annoying myself with all my bum-looking. its a bad habbit. i cant help it! its not my fault!! rumor has it that there may be no more tencar shows cuz everyone was wasted and some girl had alchohol poisoning and they had to call 911 and some crap. that would suck some major ass. yes it would.

i completed my goals(for the week): peeing in front of ten car and kissin toby

new goals: i have yet to figure them out.....become a burn out who wins the lottery (?) the world may never know

Current Mood: happy
Current Music: Crystal ~NeW OrDeR~

damn people
why the fuck are people so goddamn cruel!? everyones a big meany head and it makes me sad. TRACEY IS BEAUTIFUL by the way. man.... poo on everyone. god damn, im so tiered. you know what im tiered OF?? im tiered of peopel changing their minds about liking me. or whatever they're doing...either way it results in me not being liked anymore so it sucks. bah to that. i need to get something pretty to wear to towsons homecoming, cuz im going to be going with the prettiest girl that will be there...besides alex...its a tie.

IM LUCKY TO HAVE LOVELY FRIENDS

Current Mood: sleepy
Current Music: glimmerman

my thoughts...why are they so corney-like!??!?
song sweet lullaby
hear the sound
the sullen cry
going unseen
all those dreams i once had
and when i wake
nothing remains

time is nothing but a hoax

and will the day ever come
when things turn around
see the sun from a differant cloud
the air up here seems so cold
and my heart is freezing
theres no one to hold
my arms feel so empty
like the space between my ears
eyes shot, sunken through
never thoguht id see the day i wouldnt see.

does this mean the end?

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: man that you fear -manson-

~*~it could be sweet, like a long forgotten dream~*~
Please could you stay awhile to share my grief,
For it's such a lovely day,
To have to always feel this way,
And the time that I will suffer less,
Is when I never have to wake.

Wandering stars,
For whom it is reserved,
The blackness of darkness, forever,
Wandering stars,
For whom it is reserved,
The blackness of darkness, forever.

Those who have seen the needles eye, now tread,
Like a husk, from which all that was now has fled,
And the masks, that the monsters wear,
To feed, upon their prey.

_____________________________________________

pretty song, yes yes, very pretty...like my blinky-necklace thingy. my hair is one big knot of ick. you know you want me with this sexy mass on my head. *GrOwL* sexy, like a lion. work it baybe, work it. okeeeeee, so yeah, i have this composition book and it is soooooo CUTE!!!! its amazing, i got it at riteaid a few days ago, or maybe it was yesturday, i cant remeber, but the date isnt really relevant. anyway, so its like cut off 20%all the way around a normal comp. book and you get mine... aww, its adorable. haha, im a dork, i just went on for a few minutes about a composition book. OMG!!! hot chocolate is so the shit!!!!!!!!!! i used to be obsessed with it, then it got htoo hot to drink it and now i cant stop! im a hot chocolate fiend!! the hot chocolate of the world curdles in fear at the mention of the name becka!! muahahaha. curdle my lovely hot chocolate, curdle.

Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: wandering star -portishead-

i have a 2 tracked mind:

ass weed
<------>

im in a better mood....one of my ex-boyfriends is cheering me up (christian) so alls well.well, maybe not well, but deffinatly better.

Current Mood: lethargic
Current Music: crush _garbage_

im never alone, im alone all the time
.

sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you dont.

almond joy's got nuts, mounds dont.

Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: glycerine -bush-

BoReD
talking to sean about sex...damn horney floridians. OoOoO i have big plans for the future ::after i pee in front of ten car of course:: im gonna live in not a bus, but a van so i can drive it around and it would be cool and i have big plans for the interior and exterior decorations. and i tolkd rei about it, and then we realized that if i went threw with the plansd it would be dubbing myself a forever pot head. but im not a pot head now and thats all thast matters. although i could go for some pot right about no. there seems to bbe a shortage. something about the borders still closed or something...i dunno. i just know there is none around. okee, no more pot talk, cuz it makes me ramble too much. ahhh, robetussin u say joshie....humm, NO. anyways, tracey gave me a card last nite, it was cute it said:

i dont just like you cuz you have a pretty face
*open card*
its more of a butt thing really

aww, tee hee, well i want to watch the bird cage so bad!!!! damn me and my lack of movies! im gonna stop writing in this damn thing, its become one of my many addictions and gets dumber and full of more ramblings by the day. O WELL, it keeps me occupied and thats all that matters.

by the way, did you know that it takes approximatly 8 1/2 minutes for my butt to fall asleep?

Current Mood: bouncy
Current Music: you work hard for your money so hard for your money

ay que linda
ahh REIIIII!!!!! u need to come back from wherever you are! cuz you need to come over here so we can go shopping for our bebitas birthday presents!!! so, u should read my live journal and come home, cuz im leaving soon.

YEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEYEY
well, i feel like quite the big dumb animal....i had worked myself up so much i was nearly in tears (well i was, but shh, im sorry im a dork) and then i was all bitching to my dad eye twitching and all that jazz, and i went to delete the shi i d/led...and i was like "what the...whats this??" i clicked on it and HORRAH!!!! AIM FOR ME!!!!!! woo hoo!! i love everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!! no screwing over for anybody!!!! no one has to die!!!!!!

Current Mood: enthralled
Current Music: i think enthralled is the right word...?

wahhhh!!! jawhozibub!!!!!! fuckity mcfuck fuck. i need aim/aol. i have waited hours trying to download each...IT WONT LET ME!!! when i go to setup it says: pleas try installing aim when logged into windows with administrative rights. hahahahaHA fuck everyone. now im pissy, that was an hour and 19 minutes of my time for SHIT. then yesturday it was 46 minutes of my time. and nothing works. and now everyone will die. i mean, im going into a corner and crying cuz nothing i try to do lately has worked. not even the simple task of getting aim. screw everyone. im sickof being screwed.
....and its not even in the good way.....

Current Mood: angry
Current Music: ols system of a down

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